As a child, I grew up without a father. Didn’t need one. I had an incredible family around me. As I think back on it now, I do wonder how my mother coped and can only apologise for being a right royal pain no doubt. Supported by my grandmother and grandfather, my little family unit was enough for me, I never felt I missed out on anything, I never yearned to play catch in the garden with my papa.
If anything, I grew up resenting him, I never really knew him and I never want to. I don’t know where he is or what he’s doing, perhaps he’s dead and that doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I had my real family around me and I love them even more for it, especially upon reflection and thinking just how well they did together to put the honesty and integrity into me.
But now I’m on the brink of becoming one of these people myself and the thought is petrifying. How am I going to be a good father to my child? Will it grow up hating me? How do I make sure it has as many good values as I have? What comic book do I start it on? What happens if he grows up to love the Green Lantern over Spider-Man? How am I going to make sure he knows he’s loved?
As I found myself enjoying film more and more, I looked at the on-screen parents and wondered if I’d be like them. George Banks, loved deeply despite his 1900s male pattern distance. Gomez Addams, embracing the unusual and supporting his children’s self expression. Chief Brody, hunted a shark to make the beach safer for not only his children but all the children of Amity Island. Daniel Hillard, went to such great lengths to just stay a part of his child’s lives. Marlin the Clownfish, traveled the length of the ocean in search of his lost son.
I hope I embrace at least some of those values whilst never forgetting those I was brought up on myself.
So on this fathers day, the last one I will spend as an outsider, I want to thank all the people that have shaped me into who I am in a hope that its enough to help me nurture my own breed. Thank you to the film stars, thank you to those other fathers, the ones of my friends who treated me like one of their own, and thank you to my family for being there for me as I grew and hopefully being there as we all grow a little bit bigger this August.
My grandfather and I.